distraught!

think there never fail to be moments when i breakdown during each and every sems.

this time it's the last mid-term, and i really cant take it.

the house is so so noisy, and i cant comprehend what the solution is talking about):

felt so helpless all a sudden. totally clueless as to who i can ask for help, who i can rely on.

all those around me can only tell me to relax and not be so stressed up.

but what i need is real help.

guess relaxing can help by making me stop thinking about it for that moment. and hopefully when i get back to it, i will be enlightened.

tsktsk. wishful thinking girl.

i kept telling myself that whatever i need to know is in my notes. but sometimes i feel like admitting to myself that, its all be a way of deceit.

never mindd. whatever i cant do, others cant do it too. the principle of bell curve.

but still. feels so pek chek.

sometimes i really wish that i have a hall or some quiet room. some really conducive place. some where that i can be as and when i like. libraries are awesome. but sch lib is too far for studying at night, bedok lib closes at 10): have to make do with whatever ive got, and adaptable. i kept telling myself that its the mind that allows the disturbances in. im right, righttt(:

so much brain power needed! needed for my mugging, needed for the control of unnecessary noises. oh please, cant you guys just shut up):

feeling so unhappy now, and yet on a side note, ive done with 3AUs! today completed the test. so long since i last written long essay style answers. felt rather satisfied with myself. hope i can get at least an A- for it pleasssee. need that to pull my thermoDIE grade upppppp!!

-a very distraught mind.-

MUGGER VS LIFE

Hi Mugger,

Bye Life!

had enough fun and joy for the sem,

and now the serious mood!

less than 1 and half month to the END of the sem!

awesome mucccchhh!

HWAITING((:

shall mug harder than i've ever did!

may the power be with moi!!!

SPEAK UP your thoughts!

astro done with. seriously love for the subject is so much not enough to. more of the responsibility of having to it. i attended lectures faithfully, listening as well cos i thought the course was interesting. however, studying for it is a total nightmare. had sucha hard time memorizing so much facts! shall see my test grade before deciding if i should SU it. then i can focus on my cores.

had sucha painful ride back just now. wasted time to get some survey forms. ultra thick ones. for foreigners working here (whoever can help me, please drop me a text!!). its for some canvassing event that UOC had taken up. really dumb stuff. back to my painful ride home. firstly, waited ultra long before the NTU shuttle service came. i had just "nice" missed the bus. although the feeling isnt nice at all. and i was first in line waiting for like uberly long before the v v packed bus came. AND DIDNT STOP! that was alright, when the 2nd pack bus came along. managed to get up the bus and there's some tiongs trying to cut queue behind me. and i had accidentally stepped on her foot. since she's like right behind, trying to squeeze up the bus. felt the sudden satisfaction. however, it was so short lived. continued my way to pioneer station. its like the 2nd last station on the green line, AND all the seats were taken up!! totallllyyy! not my day can! my normal fave seat is gone. and the train started getting all stuffy and i was feeling really grouchy and lousy. not forgetting the fact that ive only gotten 4ish hours of sleep, and survived on caffeine and red bull for the day.

how sucky can my day be man. and i kept thinking why i ended up going back to at peak hours. its all cos of the damn survey!! seriousslllyy. wanna pull out from the UOC main comm. getting on my nerves, the commitment and meetings and canvassing shit that ive got to do. not like i went to interview for the biz mag role and wanted to be in it. seriously. i went back to pageant comm firstly cos i thought ive got no other commitment, 1 is alright. and also i enjoyed the company of the pageant people. but now, it seems to have gotten me into deeper shit. some shit that i don even know that people im working with nor am i happy with what im doing. i just feel like pulling out. seriouslllyyyy. i will set my mind to it, and have a good talk with my BOSS! hahaha! its either ive got some prejudice against how the heads of the main comm people works or sth. their cult rules doesnt work on me, im so sorry to say that! hah!

set my mind to it and say it!

i felt like a loser at times. will you people practise altruistic punishment? telling some one to clear her plates when everyone supposed to put away their used cutleries after eating. telling someone that she should queue up although she didnt cut your queue but some one else's? i need to speak my mind rather than curse and swear inside me. seriously. hahaa. bad for my mind and soul! lol..

-why oh why..-

THE WILL POWER!

hello!

it shall be me-myself time soon!

close myself up in the room and mugggg! less than 50 days to the end of it. i thinnkkk((:

projects are finally almost done. actually one of it only. i think its just getting used to it. you cant change others, but you can accept others right! making do with what i can.. sigghss.

mugged with kc from morning to evening on sat. rather productive i think. and i seriously miss mugging with her! miss A and O level days. seriously. i want something away from math and science. but im like bonded to them for the next 3 yrs at least! rooaarss. love them deep deep too, then i shall be!

HANG IN THERE peeps!

kc dearest! stay motivated and feel free to call me or drop me a text when you need to get away from your workload kkies!! STAY STRONGG(:

-will and mind VS the physical conditions!!-

self satisfaction?

Always just second best.

You know the story? the race between the hare and the tortoise? they left out the squirrel. Yes, it was to be a race between the three of them, but everyone conveniently left out the squirrel, because he was just second best.

the hare was happy; he was the fastest, the champion! the tortoise was happy; he finished the race even though he was last! But the squirrel, nope, nobody even remembers his existence; because he was just second best.

What is there to be remembered about the second best? nothing. merely a substitute or some sort; like when the runner up represented Singapore instead of Ris Low. See, get what I mean, I dont even remember the runner up's name. darn.

And then, I realised, I am this squirrel. always just second best.

Extracted that from one of my friend's blog. Credits to spoon.

think it's kinda true, being average doesnt allow you to be remembered. its just a passing fad that you got second and that's all. but in singapore, maybe being second isnt so bad afterall. less attention and all. in work, the no 1 gets the better pay, may get retrenched earlier? get more work to do since you are better? the competitive society makes people pit against the 1st.

alrightey. my argument on this getting no where. think its more of doing your best and achieving the much needed self satisfaction. bought a new whiteboard todayyy! and tried some revamping of my desk. hopefully it gives me some more mood to study! hahaha! shall continue on my project!!

awwww. alot alot of complaints about my project meetings and projectmates): sometimes its not so good having friends have projectmates too. cos you're so afraid of jeopardizing the f/s so you just keep yourself mum): never mind. more complaints next time!!

-self-satisfaction? what i really want then?-

my worthy-ness

im seriously not keeping to my resolution of not opening up my google chrome. see where am i now. hahahaha. the only resolution that im keeping to is sleeping 8 hours a day. cos i really feel refreshed the next day! but seems like my project stopping me from doing that too. the people around me ain't exactly the optimum influence that i would like, but i can do it the other way round by being the good influence instead right. exams is like THIRTY EIGHT days away! awesome shittt. i can only think of what happens AFTER the exams insteaddd! LOL i need to have something for me to look forward to, maybe thats how i did so well for O's.

ive been trying to have the same O's feelings back. how i managed to do so well, what i did. some of you may ask, why not the A levels, since its closer. simply, cos i screwed it up! hahahaa. blame no one but myself. guess im not consistent enough? but ive been trying to make that into a lesson learnt. but im still lazy at times): howhowhowww. sometimes i just feel like giving up. trying so hard, but i still cant grasp the concept. my friends not exactly someone i can turn to. how i wish i could go back to the good o secondary days, when i can always turn to my classmates and of course KC when im in doubts. teachers were also easily available. uni is a bitch. the prof always say that they are willing to help, but they go overseas during holidays, they are busy and yada yada. you get what i mean. they just have their own life too. their commitment level is perhaps 5% of their life? cos that's the lecture time that they need to put in to get their paycheck? hahahaaa. im being cynical. rooars. and i just force myself to listen to the lecture recording over and over again. hoping i can extract some important info that ive missed out earlier on. awesome sheeeeeet, kelly.

im supposed to be here trying to brainwash myself into studying. butttt. seems like it turns out to a complain session instead! my nose not at a optimum condition to mug, and ive taken an expired clarinese pill! will sth happen to me?? i think my body mass will be able to block out whatever harm the expired pill will do to me right! hahaha! optimistic muccch!

after reading the HOTA letter, i think im maybe much more worthy to the society when im not around! they make me feel like my organs are so wanted by some useful but ailing people out there! not that im not happy with living and im definitely NOT suicidal! its just a thought of mine.. since im not contributing much to the society much now. maybe more carbon dioxide emission? heh. i was telling karo, that i wanna donate my face too. to burn victims or one of the not v pretty snsd member. hahahaa. then she said i need plastic surgery): tsktsktsk.

the lame jokes are like the only life i got left.

-you aim among for the moon to land among the stars.-