the stranger

today was a slack-iest day ever since term II had begun.
that's what i think.
slept in like nobody's business
unpacked my luggage in like 15 minutes
snoozed again while watching television
messages going in and out while watching television
dinner and helped my mum with some housework,
cos she's preparing the ingredients for the rice dumpling.

wowww.. i did alot alot
except mugging!
sleeping with no limit
watching television with no limit
seems so much like a history.
it will become that soon
after tomorrow's concert
which is supposed to be a chilling out time with my pretty sistas
i shall get back to my real life.
will do at least the same as or better than him!!
hahahaa..
your advice will be heeded!
lol.
it sounded so different when used by different people.
i'm so afraid of being given false hopes.
pleaso dont do so...

RANDOMS:
sometimes the "sorry" word is so overused.
that it loses it's significance.
say it only when you mean it.
say it if you arent gonna do it again
say it only when you are truly guilty for it
if not,
it will not make any difference to the mistake you've done.
i wasnt even pissed at you for the mistake you've done
at least not pass the 1st hour.
and what amuses me is the sms you've sent
it's just so you.
was upset when how meaningless the word "sorry" was used thereafter.
sometimes there's not much of a need to tell others what you are feeling
as it will not help the situation much.
cos the impression is just way too deeply etched to be salvaged.

another point is that
i've told jojo abt how our daily life differs from council life
because of the people we need to handle are starkly different
so no worries for now
well,
aint im glad it's all over...

the stranger:
the hopes that seem to sparkle so much
may them not go off...
may them not be an illusion...

back home

finally back to the civilisation
after the long stay at the hills, NTU.
been seeing the same group of people and surroundings for the past many days
though they're fun group of peeps and the living conditions are well above standards
but still... i miss my normal life.[except the mugging part]

the past 6 days were well filled with ups and downs.
when i feel discouraged, angry, happy, ecstatic, boy-crazy, real tired out, not-sure-who-i-am
and so many many others which i cant remember now.
btw i think i slept less than 24 hours for the past 5 nights for sure.
it's when you finally get to hang out with the A2 peeps and some others
that you cant resist the temptation not to play cards with them rather than having the beauty sleep
CONSEQUENCES: after the entire event, i was like zonking out practically everywhere when i went to hang out with jo and qiani in the evening. AND my freaking eye bags and dark circles! shooo they go!!!

i dont feel like myself throughout the entire thing
i'm like being another person since my heart wasnt in this even at all right from the start.
i think is those in sgSIX aka sexySIX that made my day sometimes.
overalll, they're entertaining and so nice to me esp when i complain my grievances to them whenever a particular group of people pissed me off.
i think it's all the expectations that matters.
i've seen that when some other sg and slos are enjoying themselves
why cant we
and tadaaa.. for the last 3 days i did!

especially sandcastle building.
when i forgotten my roles of the slo [did only welfare checks here and there]
when i just joined in the fun
and sweat it all out.
and we built a cruise! from a actually industry park with a twin towers.
i ended the day's activities happy and glad with some scratches here and there
thanks to some stranger who popped out in this chapter of my life
and of course we're a enthu group of people!

i think whatever people say really will make an impact on how we react towards others.
so maybe we should sometimes keep our mouth shut
and keep these thoughts to ourselves.
i cannot believe that these people that i meet will remain in my life for so long
and my belief is that though as significant as they are
as much thoughts i put onto them
their impression will fade off after time erodes those feelings we had.
they will all be forgotten until i take these chapters of my life out
and wipe the dust off the surface
till then...

went to chat with jojo.
really missed her during the 6 days
that i'll look for her whenever she's on duty and did our despo talks at her duty point.
it's amusing how much stuffs are going on in our individual life.
the boys in our lives!
see the letter S!
suppose to go home from tamp cos i was zonking out even when walking
and took 69 home
she kindly offered to take the bus home with me with an ulterior motive right??
and i went high and ecstatic when some stranger replied
and yeahhh.
we dropped off at some weird stop
and spent another hour or so there until i was sleepy all over again.

i know nothing is going to work out from all these.
they're just the fun element in my 6 days.
so just let it all fade away with time...
anyway I've learn it from him
it's the time spent face to face that matters
technology just do the surface work..
and it could just kill everything it can create just because of some misunderstandings.

though that the entire event is seriously a waste of my time
and now that i dont know how to save my mid years after this "holidays"
shall wait and see..


i seen a rainbow on one of the hectic mornings
it gave me the hopes i believed is in rainbows.
hopes as readily as they are formed like a rainbow
as easily they could fade away like a rainbow too...
but never the less
i still believe in them
and when can i ever see one again...?

DISCLAIMER: nothing of these should be brought out of my blog, cos i really cant stand people mentioning things in my daily life, esp questions. cos it seems like probing into my thoughts. unless im comfortable with it..

RANDOMS:
why do people blog?
to tell others whatever is happening in our lives
to say things that will make us feel uncomfortable talking about it
why do people read blogs?
to know more things that are happening around us
to criticise whatever the others is thinking.

kelly oh kelly

had lunch with secondary school mates and teacher.
it's pretty long since i've met up with them.
and the get-together company was pretty mixed-up too.
it's rather surprising when i get to find out there's so much things that had happened
oblivious to us all
as interesting as it seems
it just shows the ugly side of human
enough of un-comprehend-able stuffs

going gai gai and dinner with mum later!
yeahh!! happy happy!!
came to realise i didnt spend much time with her recently
which is the past few months
last time i will still eat dinners with her around the neighbourhood
but now...
too occupied with things
serious and nonsensical add together takes up so much time!
now i think she's so used to going out on her own
that when i wanted to meet her just now
she didnt want me to.
but never the mind,
now i'm still going anyways!!

feel very mean.
everytime when i come home for dinner,
i will just not have a big appetite
and she will just cook for us two
which is quite troublesome for her after her work
and i still i dont appreciate it
and i will just vent my anger when she nag at me

how...
when can kelly stop being so mean
what's the point of kelly reflecting after she done it???
and when she wants to learn how to use the com
kelly still dare to ask her to go CC to learn
cos kelly cant manage her time
and whenever kelly got the chance to use the com,
kelly will always limit herself the time.
where's kelly's time and patience for her dear mummy????
kelly dont want to be like the other Ks'
who will leave their dear old mummy at home or shopping alone
after they are off working on weekdays
and weekends with their BFs.
kelly cant take her for granted..
kelly mustn't be like that..
kelly can take it...
and kelly can do it...
kelly-oh-kelly...

PS: i'm just in my oh-i-think-im-so-free mood. so i have the time to reflect and think outside the normal stuffs that im thinking..

side tracking: qiani, i will just post it!! hahaa! being around guys or talking to guys doesnt mean anything. you wont be likeable just because of it. always SHOWING that you are crying doesnt mean you can feel for others or you think deep. it's just all what you want to show others you are. it's what's the basic core reason and gut feeling that matters!

Singapore Flyer

this evening was cool
but failed attempt to chill out.
i enjoyed the atmosphere.
the girl with the higher Pentium make it easy for me
as i do not have to think to much
i like the way you make decisions
it's just so fair can..
cos i won!
hahaas.
the comfortable silence
the amusing stuffs we do...
i enjoy the peace you bring..

*****

conversations makes me feel nostalgic
it brings me back the memories
late night movie
bus rides
train rides
the many things i should have just obliged
the utopian future i have in my mind
all that's memories left...
no regrets..

-i miss those times but i live life as it is now...-
cos i cant afford any distraction...

ramblings and rainbows

WARNING: uber-ly long post, have too many mixed up emotions in me
wasted my entire morning and afternoon again and you know it's for what reason.

slept early in the morning like 1plus in the wee hours of the morning
was actually very sleepy before kc and grace came over to jw's house to stay at 11 plus.
but when they came...
we got back to the ALL-TIME-FAVOURITE topic! SOCCER FINALS!
yeahhness~~
and i'm wide awake by then already..!

back to rehearsals.
i've finally managed to say all my woes[or maybe there's somemore]
to my "favourite" teacher, MOT
and came to realise
it's not really within their control sometimes
and because there's somemore dumberER people above them
and the whole theory of tarnishing the school's image when we are to screw up during these 2 HIGHLY-PRESTIGIOUS ceremonies when there's so manymany important people.
the ugly side of human: the super SUPERFICIAL side of us.[see that i use the word "us", cos i believe everyone will do it no matter what]
noticed some difference in the teachers.
maybe there's some feedback to them??
they climbed the dungeon-like stairs with us.
reflections reflections....

but still i have RAMBLINGS:
what's the point of them saying so much words of appreciation when their actions doesn't say what it should.
and when they say that they appreciate us,
it makes me even more doubtful of it.
though it's not the entire group of teachers not showing it,
but they are still considered as one
so blame it on the black sheep in the group
who is so unsensitive to other's feelings
who cares if you cant feel anything
i feel ridiculed
i feel insutled
i feel ashamed to be USED to be under you
though you are good at work, SO WHAT.
so what if you cant get along with HUMAN
when that's the basics of the basics.
if that's who you are,
sorry i cant accept for who you are.
i feel extremely pissed after the incident and regretted deeply
that i should just stomped off and do whatever i like
since i've already listened to the instructions
and they cant do anything to me
if im against it.
so what if you have different expections.
it's just so ridiculous to be so extreme can.

people must just be so stratified.
it amuses me as well
when they can just leave their fellow team mate out
when they always tell us to mingle around during our events
i sympathized with "her"
and i'm proud of "her"
at least she can sit amongst us ALONE and still get along with us well.
but i'm happy for "her"
as she wont be influenced by the rest of them
when they can just sit down and "discuss" about people
just like what we like to do.
but still,
i've to thank them for the important lessons i've observed from them
the ugly side out there in the society when we are working.
at least it proves to me that it's better to be alone than with the group

i see and learn
i learn and i keep quiet
that doesnt mean i'm oblivous to anything.
it's the same,
being happy out there
doesnt mean im feeling that in here.

sorry, i'm just seriously unhappy with too many things deep inside and i cant get them out verbally, and i've yet to come to a decision. MANY thanks to qiani and jojo who's there when i'm complaining. and qiani, you're observant, damn NICE skills!! hahaa!

*****

now onto a happier note!
last day of school for the term.
decisions decisions again
and i did not feel guilty for what i did
i dont have any intention to apologise
cos i think i know what i'm doing
i know what's my motive of choosing that
i'm just moving towards my goal
and that includes not wasting time
if i can put my time to greater productivity myself
i'll do it.
i'm responsible for my actions.

soccer finals!
went high high high!!
and we won!!
national champions!!!! woohoooo!!!
happy happy for the guys and our school
i like the school spirit in us that day
especailly when so many of them felt forced to come
and they reluctantly stood up in the last few minutes
minus the minorities,
i can feel the school spirit around me
when the time-out whistle went off
and we just went crazy!
i feel the success in the objective of soccer cheering.
so what if the cheering wasnt good in between.
at least i think this is one event that the JC2 can vividly remember
memories of emotions can definitely be held on longer than that of memories of actions.

i will definitely miss soccer cheerings
the last had came and went
and it holds many happy memories
cheering with crazy old mama that day
last time with rach, jojo, qiani, weewee, teow, miao miao, charlene
and so many others...
our crazy and fun moments
at least before the debrief.

it's all of a history...

rainbows are just many many colourful memories...

i believe in rainbows...

lost in my world

just a short post to get me away from the computer
i feel lost at times when i dont know who to turn to.
when some people already having their own cliques
and some others with their own close friend
and sometimes i just wish i could just remain alone
with no complications
but i could not bring myself to do so
cos i fear lonesome.
i fear losing someone i cherish
i fear being alone
i detest being ignored
hence i detest taking the first step

i know some people are already taking the first step
and are trying their best
but i feel bad making them sacrifice because of me
i dont know why
i dont know what i want
that's the reason why i'm lost...

-the rustic feel that i seek for...
the pain behind the beautiful facade...-

PS: i'm contemplating making this blog private cos i've been sharing much more than i think i'm supposed to since im getting more and more lazy to write in my beloved diary.

mumblings and grumblings

ALERT!! MUMBLINGS AND GRUMBLINGS

my "favourite" hobby for the past weeks:
Pre-U Seminar Rehearsals.

i finally saw the importance of it when the principals and teachers can jeopardise our studies to the extent of declaring 2 E-learning days just for some plain dumb rehearsals with no flexibility and DEPRIVING us of our weekends TO BE SPENT ON E-LEARNING.

this is like super super unfair, and we have no avenue to vent our frustrations nor anger except complaining to our friends. i've been rather mean to my group leader KK, self-accaimed kawaiiKAIWEI. i will just tell her that i want to pon some rehearsals or dumb stuff but just make up some fake reasons, letting her lie to the teachers. well, i really cant help it. cos i cant see the point in going for all these.

wait till i see the appreciation we should get before i will really put my heart and soul into this event, which i think i'm "forced" to participate in. some times the teachers just think that by saying some nice stuffs infront of us, are showing their understanding for our plight. i wont see them as understanding us unless i see actions. letting us walk to and fro at the enormous university after the whole afternoon of climbing UP many levels of steps in some dungeon-like stairway WHILE they themselves can JOLLY WELL drive past us in their pretty carS! and after that all they said is "sorry for making you walk up and down." this is just one of the many things i detest.

as important as the ceremonies may be, i dont think we need so much rehearsal to the extent of 2 full days on Thurs and Fri, when they can just talk less and be concise and save our time. and they make us go school at 545am in the morning. had they forgotten we are students and not someone who have pretty cars to drive around. well, i've been rather mean and bad mood on wednesday and i just messaged our kawaiiKAIWEI "are the school asking SBS to start their services earlier for us?" well, it meant to have the sarcasm in it, but she dont seem to get it, and i felt so guilty being so mean to a innocent girl..

NOW, after the today, i think i'm beginning to accept these irritating stuff with the people around us. my group is very encouraging for me in a sense that at least they dont bore me out and we even went to Simpang Bedok for dinner today. it's rather heart-warming when i recalled the times when i was just an OGL and there wasnt much politics as everyone is just there to receive instructions. when we just did what we like, complain and make noise as much as we want. apologies to you guys okays.. cos they always have to hear me complain, and they even help me carry my shoe bag. haha. tell you they are great alr!

and woohoooo!!! MJC soccer team onto the finals this wednesday once again!!! yesshhhh!!

*****

i feel that i'm so weak this year.
i've been doing very little
i've been feeling very tired.
but my brain had been working alot...
thinking too much is really very tiresome..

*****

i feel drained at tired.
i cant comprehend what's on your mind...

-where is my long awaited rainbow?
Rainbow brings the much-needed joy to my day...-

PS: i cant stand people with no ORIGINALITY! oh come on... have a style of your own please!
human is just so interesting that though we know we or others hate it, yet we still like to do it...

times...

sometimes things that happened in life intrigues me
sometimes it just turn me off
sometimes it is just plain dumb
sometimes i just could not understand why such things will occur
sometimes i just could not understand why people are doing something
sometimes i just wish i wasnt there...

-i hope i can just be an angel and fly away as and when i can...-

there's times when i just could not speak what had come to my mind
there's times when i'm disgusted by things that people say
there's times im irritated by what people do
there's times when im so affected that i cant think properly
there's times when i question why is it like that
there's times when i asked myself what had i done wrong
there's times when i wish im not somewhere here nor there...
there's times when i just wish i could forgive and forget as easily as people preach
there's times when i just wish i wasn't myself

-i hope to embrace what is there for me and not what is not there...-

life as it is

i better wake up!
stop lingering around.
stop the nonsense..

i'm glad that some friendships are still there. managed to relished some of the happy memories of the past. will continue doing so!!

-life as it is..-

my life

i realised theso many different levels of maturity at our level.
it's neither a good nor bad thing.
it just tested our patience when more time is spent together.
just like the experience with so many different people
spending so much time together.
when we hear and see so much silly stuffs.
that soon our patience runs dry
and the more immature ones began to irritate the more mature ones..
this is one of my many reflections.
the lessons i've learnt are all clearer when i'm not in it.



the ntu recce was partial crap.
the beginning was alright,
except with the presence of so many leaders
and of course opinions differ.
instructions were clear and precise.
but soon,
it began to irritate me.
you guys should know who is doing most of the talkings by then
not trying to be mean,
but come on,
im not there to waste my beautiful SATURDAY morning listening to a whole load of crappy theories with only A FEW main points which we had to sift out ourselves.
it's just crap.
im so glad i didnt go for the briefing on Friday.
i was deciding between Resposibilty and Joy.
and i knew i will be cursing and swearing the person who's taking such long time to brief about some simple stuffs if i were to choose Resposibility.
and i chose joy instead and ndeed it turn out to be so so unregrettable.
at least i've gotten closer to one more friend before losing her again.
and ain't i glad i chose correctly!
yeahhh!!!



CONFESSION: i went for soccer cheering instead of BRIEFING!
it just takes the lilltle more guts which i think i did not have before Council to just made the decision not to go, and instead really really enjoyed myself.
but at least i went to message someone to help me take down the important points[since there's so minimal]
and even read through the Manual after that.
well,
it's the guts that made me see the other side of me..
but it's the people around who forced it out of me..

*****

i think i've almost gotten over it.
maybe a 90percent??
and now im onto a whole new life
or maybe i can look into my past past history...

living life with no boundaries..

when the horizons are the limits..

dont force me to take the extremes

PS: rach!! i also began to love my cute little old doggie!!! he's so adorable when i finally have the time to appreciate him. but that means i need to do more of his chores;( and gotta bathed him already!!!

my journey

TGIF.
yeah, friday is finally here,
but it will soon go along with saturday and sunday
and once again comes the dreaded week...
the cycle just refuses to end..

finally went out with some pretty lady..
well, you can call me selfish or whatever..
but i will hold on to this
and i wont let you go..
we've finally succeeded in taking in RED line!!!
but no cute guys excepts the whole load of aunties and uncles rushing home..
and they dont even let the people already packed like sardines to get out
how can they get in...
and we thought we will be like them in future.
better not.
this is probably why i dread growing old
when the ugly side all shows...
shall not say so much here,
if not i will seem to be like someone we discussed! hahaaas!

*****
MY JOURNEY MY LIFE
was watching our videos on Youtube.
it did bring me some laughter and tears
the beginning when we were invested in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2gY0lWwHZw

will go on and on
will go on and on...
keep flying high...

and the time when we stepped down..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU478hOH3MY

maybe it's the high point
that marks the end of the entire journey..

this video can really bring back too much memories...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b05RKKjjBfs

every single bit counts...
every lil thing that makes it possible.
the highs ones and the lows...
i went through them all..
is it the experience that i've asked for...?

we were strangers starting out on a journey....
it is my PRIDE
it was my PRIDE
will it continue to my PRIDE...?
once the door closes, it never will open again...

strangers

i think GP this week had been insightful.
though it's pretty much the same as ever,
but it sparked off alot of train of thoughts on my own.
Respect, Freedom of speech, Civil Rights, Liberties blah blah blah and the list goes on.
conflicts between countries were even more interesting.
sometimes i really wish i could be as wise as Ms tan,
or should i say in terms of General Knowledge.
half as wise would be good enough.
and perhaps the rest of the strangers in my puny little world could be as well.
so that not to cause so much irritation in my life.

i dislike people yakking away and not doing what he's telling others
i dislike those inconsiderate people who can understand English and stands on the right hand side of the escalator,
esp when they are wearing any school uniform
[which means they are educated, or supposed to be educated]
i dislike so much stuffs that's occuring around me,
which i think i didnt have the time and energy to lament about in the past.

oh ya,
i CERTAINLY detest people who keep using our status to instill rules in us.
PLAINLY, the term EX-COUNCILLOR is certainly irritating.
so far nothing had occured to me,
but to my friends around me.
well, see the word EX,
it means we NO LONGER are.
and our actions seriously reflects what a normal student will do
and why cant they just treat us as a NORMAL student,
since we can also no longer give being a councillor as an excuse for not doing our school work.
if some rules were meant to be there,
then say it infront of the entire school cohort and not controlling just a few puppets.

wonder i should practise ignorance or tolerance...
wonder how some human brains really work...
maybe in the ass?
or there isnt any to begin with...

PS: oopss, i dont know i could sound so mean.. wells oh wells, life drives people to this state

*****
irony is that,
the lil things that make my day enjoyable is also looking at the strangers appearing in my life.
those familiar faces of the strangers...


as much as the world had grown
the smaller it seems to get...
the state of mind of innocence still...

friends and sunset

the day without our HOLY badge!
i forgot to bring my collar badge
i wore my pretty shoes
i ate in the library
hahaas, enjoying the day when i bend the school rules. [not "break" okays!]

i think these days are certainly much more enjoyable and less tension
when i dont have to think so much into maintaining the relationships with others
i can speak my mind
do what i deem is right
like soccer cheering,
i could be anywhere i like
and not be positioned at some position sulking at some people not doing their jobs properly
while yesterday i was just enjoying myself
with WOOTTSSS near by
and running around school madly with the dumb dumb old mama.
and cutie pie playing on the field! hahaaas..!
aren't these the things i've yearn for so much..
why sad when things are better this way.
i guess it's better to not see everyone too much,
as absence makes the heart fonder
and maybe it will then let us appreciate each other more.

dumb dumb old mama yesterday amused me so much to the max!
we were quarreling at the bus stop right outside the school bus stop about which direction IKEA should be
and someone claimed it's in the Elias Mall direction!
and we were madly shouting at one another.
there's not other people there except for those coming out of the school.
and just when both of us put our fists at our hips and "all the way up" position,
Loretta came out and said: "oh no, they're angry!"
hahaas. and we asked her where is ikea,
and she took the chance to slipped off.
we ended up at the correct place,
and SOMEONE den claim that the WORLD IS ROUND.
and going in the other direction is right too!
LOL.
bleahhss!
we say 2 sixes there as well.
and i think i've heard something like "maybe next time we'll be like them."
well oh wells....
it takes alot to be like us...

*****

when the sun sets, the day ends...
and the chapter of the life journey ends there as well...

ps: throughout the entire of typing this post, i've been stuffing myself with slices of honeydew, like 8 or 10 slices already. which my mum claim that it will make my sickness go away. now i feel like going to the toiletttt!! arhhh!! shoo sore throat and flu!!!

invested-ed

relieved that all had ended.
memories are all that matters to me.
cos i believe in fate
all that feel that are once there are gone
means that it's meant to be gone.

the sound of the video brought me back
it triggered back the past.
the long long past that i've lived my life for
the word past...

tears are there for a reason
be it nostalgic, disappointment or joy
i cant differentiate as well.

i cant do anything to change when not everyone bothers thinking...

i'm glad i will no longer wear the badge
cos i can do whatever i like and not be held down by it.
hate it when people use the theory that because we are holding some "holy" position that we cant do anything. cant control the school cohort but only controlling us puppets. come on get a life. stop scolding us when you yourself cant set a good example either. i'm just ranting about some teacherS who cant help but spoiled my entire day. and so many other stuffs happened. pms, blahh blahh blahh. but the thing that really made my day for that stupid particular day is still wooottss! haha. not knowing the person is still the best. cos like anyone else, all the impression are the best and it will remain like a stranger. things always turn out differently once the status changed. i bet none of the people can understand what im talking about, because im abit confused too. maybe this is my weakness of my GP essays when my teacher will just bracket the whole paragraph and write "muddled!" hahaas. sometimes the way life turns out just make me wonder why am i here in the first place.

one of my sisters once told me(i think i vaguely remembered), as one grows older, it will be harder to make more friends. i'm beginning to understand that statement. maybe cos we know ourselves better and not agree with what others are doing, hence not being to make more friends as easily as when we are young. maybe this is the reason why im holding on to the friendship so strongly, and how much it hurts when those words are said few weeks ago. fat hon hon once asked me if i were given a chance to choose if i will take the form again, i answered yes, rather straightaway.. cos of these few particular friends i've made.. i dont want to pester you to call me, cos i know you've got someone to talk to already. and i dont wish to pass my emo bites to you! well, there's always one particular thing on earth that makes life worth living for.. cheerios!

In Life’s Garden

Count your garden by the flowers,
never by the leaves that fall.

Count your days by the golden hours,
don't remember the clouds at all.

Count your nights by the stars,
not by shadows.

Count your life with smiles not tears,
and with joy through all your life.

Count your age by friends not years.

*****

i cringe
i stare
and i walk away...