angerrrrrr

today was considered a not bad day..
when everyone is so high and stuffs
managed to give everyone my gifts
yeahh
and i met up with my mortal!
now i understand how hard it is to initiate..
so awkard and stuffs..
and he actually say im like so shy..
o0pss!
my angel met up with me as well!
and yeahh, thanks for the many many gifts once again!
i seriously think that V-day can fatten me up
like for once..

throughout the entire day
i felt lost in betweens
not sure why
but just feel something is amissed
and i actually gave away something that i thought would be important to me
the significance is perhaps gone long time ago
such that it doesn't leave a single impression in my mind

now mugging for physics test for later on
had been sleeping since the evening
hope it can chase my migraine to the far back of my brain
ive been getting headaches for the entire week
and they are really making my head spin

that make me go back to wednesday
wednesday is the worst i guess
the headaches,
enduring through 3-quarters of the AAR
and all the rubbish ATTITude
not because of those comments
i take them rather positively with regards to the improvements we can gather from them
but because you guys just dont understand the effort it takes
just like i wouldnt understand what other comm is undergoing
unless im in it myself
those are just suggestions
and i think we could just take in whatever we think is SENSIBLE and not CONTRADICTING to our objectives
cos i dont find the point in explaining
when all that is in everyone's mind is just convenience for oneself
AT THE EXPENSE of others.
and perhaps this could be a wake up call for us..
our job scope is just to large that it seems to cover everything
when others though that it just doing some brainless paper work
is just so easy
if it's as easy as thought
then "you" could be in it too.
im so apologetic in differentiating ourselves
cos i don't feel the togtherness as ONE already
the togetherness stuffs had been on my mind for too long
i can no longer keep it to myself
everyone is just concern about themselves
everyone is just going there to have fun and de-stress
and not doing our jobs well
when we should be doing our jobs first and enjoying from it
and not enjoy first then complain through our tasks..
though i dont deny that im not part of the everyone
everyone is just guilty of it
just that no one admit it blatantly...
the "ONE" feeling i once felt
is gone with the stress
the bonds we once forged are all superficial
that a slightest thing can hit it off
not until we overcome this period
tolerance and forgiveness
and i cant blame any one for that
it's just PLAIN DISAPPOINTING to me..
when the once thought greatest thing that ever happened to me
the greatest decision that could make me forgo so many things
are all but nil now..

as for the bad ATTITUDE from the others
thanks for the excuse
and THANKS so much for your concern
or should it be doubts.
it is SO SO needed for when someone is feeling unwell
and i dont think it should even be on your mind
the skeptic..
the sarcasms...
though the person will not read it
but i just need to get it off me
im like seriously pissed that such a person actually exist
and that nearly drove me to madness
which im not sure why i will react in that particular emotion
oh just freak off,
i dont appreciate reverse psychology!

another thing that happened..
so irritating..
at one moment you can be so nicely complimenting us
and the next screaming criticisms at us
who's not feeling the stress yeahh..
so sorry i just need some way to vent my anger,
thanks so much, Jo
always hearing me cursing..
cant helped it with such people around..
my motivation all gone because of all these
i felt so much to leave it all behind
leave them..
the once highs are all downs
when it no longer matter to me who's inside
cos i just want to get it out of my mind fast..

cos no one cares as well..

-my new-found distraction away from all the mayhem...??-

cos i know it's all within me

the state of mind

i need to control...

PS: this post will only make sense to some people.. so dont bother asking me what is it about unless i start talking about it myself. cos i dont think i need to bother explaining myself to everyone. and everyone includes those who cares deep inside and those who want to know it just the sake of wanting to look like you know a lot..

wells, an angry women cant be disturbed..