i feel so drained out recently
but ive already been doing my bare minimum for both council and school work
so im so disappointed in myself that the extent i can stretch myself is so minimum
now i dont even enjoy those things i used to enjoy
and i often wish i could just stay at home and sleep forever.....

my headaches are always haunting me
i cant always take the medicine prescribed
cos it really makes me feel even worse
i hate them
i dont know what i did to deserve them
they are really affecting me
or maybe they are really just an excuse i turn to
deep down inside...

ive been school e entire day for RBC on our elearning day.
while it's movies, or class outing or whatever fun for other students
it just doing our council stuff for us
like always,
"they" claimed to stick with us for whatever decisions we chose
"they" said "they" wanted something different for the 1st orientation
"they" said "they" wanted something for US, to leave a legacy behind
"they" wasn't even around a single time when we were there doing
"they" were ever so..... encouraging
"they" should just not promise us their support if they cant give us
"they" have their own fair share of responsibilities to complete, we too have our own.
now that we've have made the decision they forced and persuaded us into
and we have to do it no matter we fail or succeed
and it's all in our name regardless of the outcome
if we succeed,
"they" will just give thanks for our efforts
if we fail,
"they" will just discourage us further in our AAR
we cant be possibly able to pick ourselves up and learn from our mistakes
from the SO MUCH encouragement "they" have given us.
and the main thing is: "they" can critiscise us OPENLY, when all we can do is just keep our mouth shut,
since "they" are always right... SUPPOSEDLY

all in all
"they" just formed the OTHER part of the disappointment and regret
that i took up the bloody form...
"they" and the WE
if WE are an empty shell which a nice exterior
then aren't "they" also the same??

our future can only be changed if these disappointments come to an end.

-when anything can seem so pretty and nice from the outside, it's so ugly and disturbing deep down inside...-