which i dont know what to talk about first
Family, council, school work, teachers, relationships and the list never end..
but for one thing i know:
i would rather choose to escape and turn away then face it.
Family:
somethings are not worth explaining especially when the person doesn't know everything right from the beginning. i don't see the need to explain whatever im doing so explicitly to someone who cares as and when she likes and not always. i will only choose who to explain to. and i think she doesn't scold me in front of you guys doesn't me she doesn't care anymore.but maybe because i've already explained myself to her. please do not doubt her concern for me, as i think it's unfair to her. and i know im struggling hard and still hanging there in this damn JC life because i do not want to disappoint her when she's always so proud of me in front of her friends. i know you, sisters, all read my blog. and i dont wish to tell you guys anything face to face cos i know i wont be able to hold strong and say all these to you guys. so no point asking me face to face either.. when our lives will just continue as they already are...
Council:
my life will never be as down as ever but will never be as HIGH as ever.
my vision is constantly blurred
and i just walked away
cos i will never want to show how weak i am
in front of all 32 of you
though i've alreadi did that infront of some of you.
i'm so proud of those people who never felt something amiss
this shows your lack of concern for your CCA that you've CHOSEN
and gone through so much to be in it.
[JUST FOR THE TESTIMONIAL?????]
i'm also SINCERELY proud of those who realise something is amiss
and are standing strong
facing squarely with it.
please help me to speak up when i dont have the courage to.
the past few days of orientation i think had been a drag for me
when everything is okay on the surface
but ugly on the inside
i hate the pretense that everything is fine.
the positives:
"recordbreaking challenge SUCCESSFUL =D
we formed the biggest MJ school crest using BOTTLECAPS!
6m X 6m MJ CREST formed using 1.5cm X 1.5 cm bottle cap. Magnificent. WHEE!!
first JC to bring entire cohort clubbing at clarke quay PLUSH!
first JC to bring in disco lightings, 1.5m height stage, rock concert in the assembly plaza for orientation!!
first JC to organise rock concert in school hall!! during school term!" adapted from quEk's Blog.
remember these that we went through.
we rawks, dont we..
from the first few events when we do as A COUNCIL to those when only a small group of COUNCIL worked
i will only consider event a success when each and everyone of us put in the efforts.
pretending to be busy or working hard infront of TAs doesnt count.
cos it's the heart that counts.
and i wonder who had not even pasted a single bottle cap on that banner
and still dare to claim that it's their hard work.
those people excludes those who are SINCERELY busy with their own sub-events..
like dance finale and OSC.......
LASTLY, I'M PROUD OF COUNCIL, JUST NOT SOME PEOPLE IN IT...
Teachers:
i know some of you read students' blog..
but i don't see the point in hiding what i feel towards a certain group of you.
maybe we cant understand your stress
just like you dont understand ours.
when you can scold people for nothing, seriously..
when another student can be so angry at you that he swore at you and walk away.
no students will do that for no reason
and if someone do it, maybe you should reflect.
and this is when your facade is all exposed.
we are NOT superhuman or robots
with no feelings or dont feel the drain
scolding us just for venting your anger at us
or reproaching us just for your OWN personal reason
is just so SO so selfish of you..
and when we feel sick because of the stress you've put on us
you dont show your concern
is enough..
yet you showed your doubts...
that's oh-so comforting...
but
nonetheless,
i still feel the concern from 1 particular teacher
and thanks so much for the much needed one
it better not be a fake as well..
something that i've thought about when im alone..
the first impression: your "outlook", how you dress yourself etc...
the second impression: when you talk to others
the third impression: the one you wish to impress others, changing the first two... some can do it well and not be exposed. but many will never be able to sustain long enough before your this group of people leaves your life...
*****
enough of my rumblings..
hope they can "enlighten" some people..
but doubt so..
for the entire week
i've been like having uber extreme mood swings
from anxiety, disappointment, anger, happyness blah blah blah...
they all made my visions blur..
when i claimed not to be weak..
how strong am i really am...??
Musings @ Meridian is really great this issue.
*claps for College Pub!*
especially the page on Beautiful.
something that i've brought up in my past few posts.
the beauty from within and not what you seems...
the stories that seems so close to heart...
and the Good VS Bad is so amusing..
i've finally decided on my new spectacles!
PURPLE!!
and i shall don that for the next many many months
KUDOs to being a STYLISH nerd!!!
hahaass..
*****
i thank you for the times when you cheered me up throughout these past few days..
the smiles you brought to me....
when our roles exchanged and i'm no longer an angel...
but the other way round...
-i'm not sure how to put an end to it...-
No comments:
Post a Comment