sometimes i really feel so depressed that i really want to give up.
and the FAMILY that they claim they are weren't of much help

i dont see YOU as part of the family cos you dont understand us
i dont see YOU as part of the family cos you are selfish and just put your priorities above our.
i dont see YOU as part of the family cos you don't even care how we are feeling then and now.
i dont see YOU as part of the family cos you weren't there for us, and i DO NOT wish you are there either.
i dont see YOU as part of the family cos you are just using your authority.
i dont see YOU as part of the family cos you never PRACTISE what you've PREACH. [so the 31 of you finally know who...]
i dont see YOU as part of the family cos i detest you to the core, never had i truly hate someone like this.
how i wish i could remove you from my life forever and ever.
so dont claim make everyone your FAMILY when you didn't bother doing it.
the so many empty words from your mouth is so NOT NEEDED cos it's not even HEEDED.

i really wish i can think fast enough so as to rebutt him.
like how i did the previous time when i felt the truimph in me.
now i could only regret that i didn't say certain stuffs.
maybe actions will speak LOUDER than words...

*****

i really need to see the entire BIG picture.
but i cant.
i just know the pain and regret that comes if my decisions were to bring me to the wrong route.
but sometimes i really stopped and wonder
if i can just give up and be history...
it's seem so much painless and fast.
rather than enduring another 9 months or so.
it's even more a tempting option when i have more decisions to make.
i feel that i'm not made strong enough for life and it's obstacles.
i really feel like just going to sleep and never wake up.
it's so peaceful and
i could just end it all with a blissful smile...

i've lost the drive in me.
council will never pull me up again like it USED to in the past.
competitiveness neither..
friends are just for a temporal moment.
when you may feel cheered up then.
and not for long...
i know all of you are concern
but these concerns are not helping me much..

i will see some light soon...
you make me believe in myself
when nobody else can help...

-in a complete loss within the darkness...-