life as a butterfly.

This jc life of mine have now seriously reached the lowest dip of the past 1 year 7 months. i recall there's a time my good friend, py, she said how her sister was like when she's in jc. how stressed up she was, how emotional she was, how many breakdowns there was. it didn't deterred me from going to a jc still because i think i have no other choice then. i was uncertain about what i want to be, even till now. and now i thought about it, i think im pretty much the same. i have so many numerous breakdowns. when i feel so guilty sleeping so much, already not sure if it's an excuse or im really tired now. when i feel so stressed up with the tonnes of uncompleted and yet due tomorrow homework. when i still need to keep up with the revision schedule ive done for myself. when i faces so many shit people in this world of ours. when everyone is not as real as they seem. when teachers say so many differing views at the different time. when i hate the monotony in my life. do i regret my decisions? i dont know as well, cos now im just holding on there for the sake of not willing to waste my past one year of pain and suffer. it's really painful now.. real slow pain... when we are working so hard and yet uncertain of the results i will get.

my sistas mentioned about how their life is as shitty. how the people around them seems more worst off than those around me.

so why do people still work so hard to prolong their life. more blessings than pain?? i seriously doubt so. it's just the responsibility that keeps life going.. and these responsibilities are never-ending... life is just a test of persistence. see how much you can hold on there, sustain and not LOSE OUT. i drew strength from reading my sis blog, when she said hakka have strong characters. i know have that too... i know this will just be nothing in future. if i were to have a next life i hope to be a butterfly. the beauty, and the short life of theirs would probably be less complicated. as complicated as their extrinsic may be, it's just a type of beauty. but what's most important is the simplicity of it's life.

i think these have been brooding inside me for real long. i've let it all out, and im so so fine now...