nostalgia

.NOSTALGIA.

had been watching those youtube videos of the FIVES.
yeahh:)
the investiture when we are invested in,
the investiture when we danced..
so nice.
the sweet fuzzy feeling..
it still bring laughter to me,
[esp the invest video with the breakdown of the bus.. the source of the breakdown is.....???]
this made so much sense that when things end, it will become better:)

plus all those random and silly videos of what we did..
the numerous nights when we did the last minute prep for our events
the projectCIRCLE we had.
the joy, fun, tears, sweat and HUGS that we shared.

THANKS PEEPS for those.. !
you guys should go and look at them once more..
it feels good reminiscing..
FOR ALL TIME..



ps: will we ever have the chance to take the FULL council photo??

IMAGINE

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

yeahh, new playlist :)
remember the girl who sang the Somewhere over the Rainbow??
love her songs, especially the one "Imagine"
the sweet innocence.
the lyrics picture such a peaceful scene.
but it seems so impossible.
yeahh, in my dreams..
im shall be a dreamer too.. :)

Prelims more than halfway through.
it hurts the most when it's killing you, but not instantly.
i've suffered numerous panic attacks.
but slacked lots still... :P

i think it's almost attempt-able if i were to study harder. [duhh~ who doesn't say this..]
"harder" in a sense REMEMBERING better for the answers for the revision packages.
all subjects gave us revision packages.
you name me one subject and i can find the REALLY similar question for you..
and i did READ them..
and memorized SOME only.
those answers could probably have saved me for failing so BADLY.
so those jc1 peeps out there,
know what you are supposed to do.

i remember last year, around this time,
one of my senior, julian, said the same things too.
"those revision packages are there for a purpose..."
so the notes???
so plainly dumb - exams.
but we prefer it this way don't we?
though we know it wont be good for us in future, but who cares right,
the present matters the most.
human complicates everything..

the worst thing is that we cant say anything about this superb education system we are under.
cos it's all MERITOCRACY.
and those who cant think of a better idea than this shall keep their mouth shut.
i shall continue to be my "dreamer"...

.my utopia.my rainbows.my merry-go-rounds.my twinkling stars.
.my long-gone sweet innocence.

gogogo girly!

i embrace the noise around me AS PEACE
i embrace the stress level in me AS HAPPINESS
i embrace my weaknesses AS MY IMPERFECTIONS
im not mad
im not insane.
i just had been studying GP for the past half a day.
with the presence of my mum and her oldies.
thunder and the drilling outside.
perhaps im nuts...?

im happy for the presence of my many many sisters
because they allow me to compare and know which lifestyle i want to be in the future.
influence of friends.
good to a CERTAIN extent.
and the extent is unmeasurable because of the different types of people you deem as friends.
sometimes i cant stand the presence of her and her nonsense.
it irritates me and my other sis.
but we cant control her right.
yeahh..
this remind me of my da jie in the past use to tell me and karolyn
"don't be like qinqin, if not i dont dote you..."
now i change the person i do not wish to follow.
yeahh.. =))

i feeling afraid when i dont feel nervous for prelims
BUT A's
this is horrible.
i know im totally not prepared for prelims.
but where's the fear and anxiety that i need to push me?
it's all gone...
but for A's,
it's indescribable.

some nice girl randomly messaged me this morning.
about how her friends and her compared this year teachers' day to last.
it's so sweet with the words she used..
"they thought it is an MJ tradition.... but it's you and mars who left a legend...."
something along this line.
sweet yeahh.
it makes my regrets in joining council when i see my lousy grades worthwhile after all.
now im striking a balance
i've achieved the much mentioned "JC experience"
now it's time for my good grades!!!!

gogogo, GIRLY POWER!
nothing brings you down!
those girly-friends around me too!
nothing can bring you GIRLS down too:))
PS: those guys who also wish to be motivated can regard yourself as a girl too! lol.. =))

not forgetting!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAROLYN AND JIEJIE!!!
nooo.. they are 2 different sisters
noooo.. they are not twins!
yeahh! i think the last nice nice bdae cake that i remember is my pink, heart shape one!
and that's like when im a single digit age!
it had been so long in my family since we really really celebrated one!
you two better do something nice for me arhh!
i want a BIG BIG, HAND MADE CARD!
double or triple or even BIGGER than the ones i made for you two!!!

thoughts and rumblings.

it's so true that you start missing somethings when they are gone.
yeahh, gone are the normal school days with the used-to-be-much-dreaded tutorials and lectures.
no more daily sights of classmates, friends and teachers.
human, it's just so funny.
or is it just me.
during Compass when my CT mentioned about many things
including the last day in school and his much-needed "humour" within the serious stuff.
i could feel the many many emotions welling up inside me.
yeahh, managed to contain them pretty well
with the help of my pretty chem notes.
bleahh..! chem notes where got pretty de.
enough of emotions.
i realised the harsh reality allows non of these.
no emotions, no feelings.
if not, why would it be called harsh.
it's such an ugly world.
the competition makes it even worse.
the ugly side of human just keep coming up in my mind.
i hate them..

*****

im so so sorry.
i think i've been really caught up with my work
that i've really neglected those council dearies of mine.
i so feel like giving them a tight hug now.
especially jojo.
she made a pretty pretty sketch book.
yeahh, hand made.
and of course during this hectic period!
i dont know how to describe how i was feeling when flipping through the pages.
reading, feeling the lil details in it.
we used to mention how much we regret joining this organisation.
come to think about it,
if we don't join, would we have met one another??
*HUGS!*

*****

it's gonna be over soon.
i shall stop going in circles i shall make the best out of it.
seems like we will again be unable to pass our prelims.
so what?
what it matters is still the A's.
please give me some strength...
to finish off this last lap of journey..
with tenacity...

school this week.

TGIF!!
okays, now it's TGIS, thank god it's saturday.
weekends are really wonderful creation.
they are the days when you are at your own pace,
no physical stress from those around you.
when i can do things at my own pace and not restricted.
i hope ive finally caught on the mad rush for preparation.
and not sleep so much.
sleeping too much is such a pain when you wake up feeling so grouchy and filled with guilt
because you've not gotten anything done.
it's just so hateful.
things around me may not be pleasing now,
but i believe i can turn it around with the lil patience i have left in me.
just hope people around me will also be more patient with me.
last week of school next week.
it may sound good,
but scary as well.
once we are on our own,
we wouldnt have the external push to improve..
sighhss..
sum it all up,
school is just as boring as ever

the "MOST" interesting "event" that happened: THERE"S A COCKROACH IN MY HOMEROOM!!
in school okays!
and it's humongous.
of course the girls many screamed.
and me sitting in the first row wasn't spared as well.
but a small and petite girl girl just crushed it to it's death,
not once, but twice!
damn pro right!
and yet another classmate beside her still screamed when it's crushed.
women is just so contradictory.
but it's just so hilarious :)
exciting right..

the most scary thing that happened:
my GP teacher was apparently at "war" with us during one of our lesson.
yeahh, cos we didnt do our "concept clarification"
it's something the most basic in essay planning which we didn't do.
of course she's mad at us right.
but imagine for the whole about 50 mins
when she will just shoot us questions and asking us to provide with points
when she will just stand there and wait for our GOOD answer with her uber big eyes.
if the answers are bad,
they will be SHOT down.
with criticism.
27 people all sitting down, but more than half of them don't talk during her lesson.
it's really painful for those who talk.
and slowly more and more people refuses to talk after they are "shot" down.
jw and i were like nearly dying,
cos we are the oly two girls who talked the most in class.
our brain like auto-shut down when she left the class.
cos both of us didn't do our work and didnt leave the class when she asked us to,
oh yeahh,
the first line when she stepped in was,
"those who didn't do your essay plan please leave the class."
yeah yeah, apparently almost the whole class didnt do.
if you dont consider a few scribbles as essay plan
just like she didnt.

there's my "interesting" week for you.
sometimes i dread the weekends,
cos it would mean the exams are drawing nearer and nearer.
no wonder we've been warned right from the start that term 3 of jc 2 goes super fast.
now i get what you mean.
it really flies that you wouldn't feel anything.

something that i look forward to during weekends :))
the cute lil boy!

kynan boy and proud mommy :)

but too bad i need to go elsewhere to study,
cos he's too irresistible that he distracts me if i were to study at home.

the ugly world

some things that were bothering me for the past few days. i can seriously find faults in whatever is around me. contentment never seems to be in the minds of people in this world of ours. competition turns things ugly. superficial people makes things even uglier. pretty face or not, i dont like it. i hate it when you know people come to you with a purpose. or should i say with a motive. it's just so ugly ugly and more ugliness. even if the world is filled with all the pretty faces, it will be useless. criticism is just bringing someone down so that you will seem better? bullshit to me.. i just think confidence can bring the beauty out in you, but it also bring the other side of you if you cross the line. pretty or ugly it's not for us to decide, and to me, i think criticisms should only be made straight in someone's face if you're perfect. and i guess nobody are... yeahh, and maybe the whole world is just an illusion. those around you may not be there afterall...

i dont know what im getting to.
decided to stop there.


*****

sometimes im questioning myself, if it is really not going to happen, or is it that i dont wish to give in to it? im thinking on the basis of FRIENDS. will it be enough for a really close group of friends around you? afterall, they always say that it's the quality that counts. i dont know. the feeling of you treating someone as such, but yet those efforts are not reciprocated. it doesnt feel nice at all. the different expectations of mine of others and others of mine, is just so starkly different. the quote, "Do unto what you want others to do unto you." it just a whole lot of crap. nothing works in this way i think.. yeahh, maybe cause human is all crap and hence the world is as well.


*****

"the world is a beautiful place, until Man came into it..."

i just realise my ipod has some nice songs. been nuts over songs from Dido. the lyrics relate to my life maybe? yeahh, and the advice to stay away, i shall heed them soon. follow my heart and do what i deem is right. doesnt that means im like living on an island with no one to care about? why care when people doesnt..

*****

back to my normal life and not those thoughts of mine. brought my doggie down for a walk just now. the park was having some National Day celebration. it's so amusing when the songs they sing are all but those we learn when we are kids. Count on me Singapore etc etc.. but yet every year we have new national day songs? the purpose of it? the novelty is it?

recently i like blasting music into my ears. it brings me back to my own world, oblivious to those around me, and i observe others from my world. it's a cool and nice thing to do. maybe you guys should try it too. and maybe when you go back into the shared world of ours, you will do less of the silly things that makes you laugh when you are observing...

stop twirling your hair!

im so dead. i've just started my bad habit again. it's the sms-ing. i think it's seriously "unhealthy" for life. i certainly believe that smses cant carry the emotions that is required for a normal conversation to take place. so much things cant be conveyed through it properly. it's just a way for youngsters to escape the harsh truth, or to take the easier way out. i better stop my this very bad habit soon. Read from yesterday's papers too. they mentioned about the increase in injuries caused by people who sms. yepp, they themselves are the victims. as much as i found it very hilarious, how people bang into the lamp post when smsing, and landed themselves in the hospital, i just hope this will never happen to anyone around me nor me. it also mention that we are not multi-tasking when smsing and doing something else. but we are just focussing on smsing for one second and the other second doing the other thing. so no good... so people who smses while studying, not productive okays.. dont fool yourselves into thinking that you are maintaining a good friendship/relationship while studying, hence being productive. no such thing! only the guilty one will feel it..

*****

had a change of study plan. decided to start doing my homework in school first, since no matter how much nap i take i will still be KO-ed at home. i enjoy being with my secondary classmates. i like the drive in them i guess. not sure if it's cos a change of faces, from the ones i always see in class, to some people whom i seldom see. but i think this change is good.. shall see for myself the next week.

*****

i realise the need to love what every we are doing now. it gets mundane after a while. and the willingness and necessity of it will never be strong enough to keep you going. it's the love for it that does the job. i know what to do. so i shall start loving my notes, my teachers, my homework, my tys and so so important to miss, MY SUBJECTS. i can no longer regret what subjects ive taken, ive chosen them, i will do them well.


*****

ohh, i sound so totally positive in this post!
and the most dumb thing that happened in my this boring life of mine!
two of my teachers told me to "Stop twirling your hair!"
what's the problem with me doing that man..
sheesh, cos you cant do it right??
ultimate randomness..!

life as a butterfly.

This jc life of mine have now seriously reached the lowest dip of the past 1 year 7 months. i recall there's a time my good friend, py, she said how her sister was like when she's in jc. how stressed up she was, how emotional she was, how many breakdowns there was. it didn't deterred me from going to a jc still because i think i have no other choice then. i was uncertain about what i want to be, even till now. and now i thought about it, i think im pretty much the same. i have so many numerous breakdowns. when i feel so guilty sleeping so much, already not sure if it's an excuse or im really tired now. when i feel so stressed up with the tonnes of uncompleted and yet due tomorrow homework. when i still need to keep up with the revision schedule ive done for myself. when i faces so many shit people in this world of ours. when everyone is not as real as they seem. when teachers say so many differing views at the different time. when i hate the monotony in my life. do i regret my decisions? i dont know as well, cos now im just holding on there for the sake of not willing to waste my past one year of pain and suffer. it's really painful now.. real slow pain... when we are working so hard and yet uncertain of the results i will get.

my sistas mentioned about how their life is as shitty. how the people around them seems more worst off than those around me.

so why do people still work so hard to prolong their life. more blessings than pain?? i seriously doubt so. it's just the responsibility that keeps life going.. and these responsibilities are never-ending... life is just a test of persistence. see how much you can hold on there, sustain and not LOSE OUT. i drew strength from reading my sis blog, when she said hakka have strong characters. i know have that too... i know this will just be nothing in future. if i were to have a next life i hope to be a butterfly. the beauty, and the short life of theirs would probably be less complicated. as complicated as their extrinsic may be, it's just a type of beauty. but what's most important is the simplicity of it's life.

i think these have been brooding inside me for real long. i've let it all out, and im so so fine now...

MTPS again..

"you better not let her down..."

i found my motivation i guess..

*****

had my MTPS today. yeahh, again.. last year mid years and this year, i think this shows that maybe i need a good fall before i learn how to take care of myself. i don't know. but hopes it really work out this way. realised my CT is pretty good, but i definitely cant say it in his face or he'll be "blown away". Lol. it's still the age of the teacher that matters. after my consultation, chatted with him. maybe i should learn from him, how to take things easy, and be more tolerant of others. hmmm.. but he seems to treat everyday like a joke? maybe that's why he's so stress-free..

i cannot stand it when people refuse to listen when i'm talking. if you guys cant listen, then i shant talk. cos it's really tiring and it requires too much of the lil patience i have in me. and i think it makes me agree further that we shouldn't have relationship at this point of our life. maybe it's the priority of mine that differs i think. i nearly lost a friendship once, and learnt the importance of it. and yes, friends are important no matter what.. maybe you will need to learn it through the hard way.. i've been tolerating well, and hope this can continue. cos i know you've really been patient with me as well.

well oh wells.. everything is simple, kelly..

*****

when i learn how to walk away and be independent.
i need to...

friendship

long chats are really comforting.
though not those close GFFs and definitely not those acquaintances.
it makes me reflect the long long few months i've undergone
and know where I'm standing now.
made me know more about you...
glad that this friendship still exists.
cheerios!

mum

life had been down for me these few days. i especially detest it when people say things that are of no help. it's already kinda depressing and there's no point being regretful about the decisions you made in the past. i feel guilty talking back at her, but i just cant help it. yes, and it totally kill my mood. and she's none other than my... and i snapped at her? i think i did it too many a times, that she really stopped talking to me, for that night though.

*****

can someone teach me how to have better memory? i need it badly..

*****

i yearn for a rainbow to brighten up my mundane days...

life as it is

I'm rather slack this weekend, but at the same time, if i were to study at the rate im doing before MYEs, i will definitely lose lots of hair.Because i have a bad habit of pulling my aweful-texture hair out, and many a times i can still use a scissors to bunches of them out. yeahh, this is how bad my habit is.

went shopping with mum, jiejie and kynan boy! he's seriously seriously a BIG boy..! BIG as in literal and grown up i think. hahaa, literally cos i think many strangers thought that he's two when he's only one plus, then his mommy feeling damn proud when ppl say she's a young mother. and when i heard it, it amuses me, cos that means she's those teenage mums?? that means..... blah blah blah, go figure it out yourself. but noooo.. of course she's not.

grown up cos the lil boy know's how to call so many of our names. names as in mummy, yiyi, mahmah and even KAIKAI, kaiser the doggie you know! jie jie is finally glad that he keeps calling mummy, like free like that! haha, but it's really free right? he's certainly so adoraaabllleee!! and i think all the salespersons of the shop or waitresses of the restaurant we goes to seems so entertained by him, including his loud BYE~~ when we are leaving the shop and restaurant. had dinner at Crystal Jade Palace, rather different from the other crystal jades ive been to, i think this is more high end? they even provide utensils for lil kynan, and that lil pesky one created his own "music" with those mini fork, spoon and bowl. jiejie, maybe you should be happy that he's slightly musically-inclined! bought him one cute lil crayon. it's actually a wooden ball of different colours at the different sides. too bad the he only know how to put it inside his mouth.. it's from a shop called Better Toy Shop. all made from real wood, that a part of the train tracks can cost up to 80bucks! certainly singaporeans are becoming more affluent, cos such shop even exist. you know the supply meets the demand, yadayadayada... BUT still, kids know how to appreciate the REAL wood??? butBUT STILL kynan boy seems interested in the ENTIRE train set, cos he don't seem entertained by the only one train that his mom got for him, though its cost enough to get my FOX slippers! how fortunate kids are now.. though he be so entertained and can spend so much time in the shop keeping those trains in their lil depots..

it's certainly fun to see a baby growing up, especially this is the first time for me. yeahh, im the youngest ma! last time jiejie seen me grow up, and now my turn to see her lil emperor.. Lol.. great exchange, cos both equally adorable mahh?!?!? hahaa, bhb-ness! recalling the first time i've been to the hospital to visit sis and him, he's so small and errrhhhh small, and not very aesthetically-pleasing[all new-borns are the same to me i guess..], but when i see his two deep double eye-lids and the deep-imprinted dimples, knew he will be a dashing boyfriend in future! and now, he's certainly an adorable toddler with his huge dark eyes. hope the relativity of the size of the eyes can maintain as years pass!

on display.
Price: PRICELESS!
the lil pesky one behind the glass display!

it's seems that he's growing up fast, but knowing the pains and effort that so many people have to endure for him, certainly made parenting a dilemma, yeah, GP remember? more blessings than chores or vice versa? nevertheless, he certainly makes people fall head over heels in LOVE with him! and LOVE supposed to make the world goes round yeahh?

i see the way sis work so hard, all the stress, tears, politics she had to endure, to get this comfort in her life. as much as it pushes me to work hard for it, it also made me realise how much money is needed to get to ENJOY life, how much sacrifices, how much pain one has to endure. as much as qualifications can bring one up to, the negatives are also of the same equivalent. and i think the combination of "accountant/auditor+good mommy+good daughter+good wife+good daughter-in-law+overly-doting parents=real pain in the arse=high threshold level!"
tolerance and patience also make the world goes round i guess...

my teacher once asked us: do you wish to be a small fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond?
can i ask for a medium size fish in a small pond?
ain't i've gotten what i've gotten?
i think the best is still a big fish is a big pond.
but still, everything is a relativity, you wont be appeased until you've been at the worst.

what i want

i think im seriously hard to entertain.
i feel real guilty.
when i complain about my mum worried about my grades AFTER the exams
and now im feeling bad about her treating me so well.
grrr...
i seriously dont know what i expect.

*****

i know life will never be like it used to be.
definitely changing for the worst
when every lectures and tutorials i enter.
it will just remind me of the hell-ish decision ive made.
i dont know what state of mind i had at that time
to make myself suffer so much.
perhaps i know deep inside that it's all for the better future??
yeahh,
perhaps when one isnt in a situation, one will be able to see things more clearly.

*****

gosh.. I'm supposed to write in proper sentences hoping that it will help me improve my language and whatsoever. Though the help may be minimal, but still, maybe i can minimise the harm done??
spoke to a couple of my subject tutors, as in like randomly after asking them some questions. they seems pretty optimistic about us scoring our A's, like they drop down from heaven like that for free. but i still cannot believe that it's possible when i've never ever ever step out of the E grade for any of my content-based subjects. i think i'm very much traumatized by my grades, hence keep harping on them. i just hope that these pain will stay within me to remind me the need to constantly work hard, and not have any excuses whenever im feeling tired.

*****

there's many a times when i wish to speak to you. but when i think about the efforts needed to keep the conservation going, it sorta stopped me. i dont know why is it like that, and i certainly hope it's just the tech that's the cause of it. maybe it's the reverse of what had happened previously. yeahh, all my nonsensical hopes. as much as technology simplify things, it also made situations harder to handle. there's so many times when i need to learn when to stop and where the line should be drawn. i seriously think i've made a fool of myself, and it's not only once but many many times. as much as it's for the fun of it, but now, the misunderstanding is abit hard to clear.

*****

tears cant bring me what i want.
neither do empty words and promises.
i just need to work towards it..
and where do all my strength comes from..
i hope it's from ...

ps: sometimes i wish i could disappear and never be seen again. and im disappearing soon..

music prodigy!

goshh!! I've just watched a Vblog from keechen's bloggie. IT"S AWESOME, AMAZING and FANTASTIC! like so fascinating and WOWWW..!!! it's simply flawless.. Maybe someday, when i have a child, he shall be like a music prodigy too! and shan't follow the NORM. it did remind me of the movie "Secret" and those moments. well, that is really history..

my conflicting thoughts

i think today i was hit the hardest.
like finally huh..?
in the entire jc life.
i subconsciously told myself that failing is the norm.
and as long as i improve
nothing would be worse off than that.
but today i think my glass of water overflowed...
but i think ive managed to mask my emotions in front of many many people.
except some when i finally broke down
and let my guard down.

i could not understand what is happening
when i have more time to study after cca stand down
it's really alot alot more time as compared to last time.
when all free time seems to have gone to resting cos of the overwhelming workload.
and now..
all the subjects which i used to pass have now let me down.
i seriously dont know why..
it's just so depressing knowing the fact that the results doesnt seem to match the amount of effort put in.
comparing with others,
comparing with past efforts
comparison makes everything worse off..

*****

i dont dare to count the amount of time left
cos im not sure how i will take it and how i will make use of it.
im confused when one teacher will tell us the most we can jump is 2 grades
while so many others says otherwise
not sure if one wants to wake us up or the latter trying to motivate us..
and i seriously think i should change my way of blogging cos it's affecting my language real bad, as well as my sceptical thoughts never will work out in essays.
why cant they just accept the facts that we are facing, instead of saying that they are just about our small tiny world we live in?

*****

i need more independence in myself. i've been requiring people to accompany me everywhere and doing every single thing. maybe tomorrow when i wake up and realise im on a deserted island. then i will need to learn how to do things by myself. i need to realise that everyone is different.

*****

i hate the feeling especially when i need to break the news to my mum. not that she really cares before the exams, but after when i tell her the grades, which i take efforts to do so, i dont know how to continue. maybe she's worried just like how im worried when i see these lousy grades, but i dont know how to further tell her my last two subjects. and they are my used-to-pass subjects. yeahhh, so it's like so comforting.

*****

i dislike it when people takes things out of my blog and discuss it with my face to face, especially some stuffs that i dont intend to say out explicitly. i think this had happened to me a couple of times. so i just want to make a note to those reading out there, if you wish to make any comments, just tag alright? cos im not those who blog to show off about their life. i prefer to keep these private moments for myself and my close ones. so blogging just to let off those air in my head. [so that me no AIRHEAD! Lol..] ive been tolerating cos i think it doesnt affect you and you didnt know about it. now that you know about it, please remember yeahh.. i will mention things personally to those i wish to open up with, and even if you know the hidden meaning, you dont have to announce that you know, and i know when one knows or doesn't. and i think this only applies to certain issues that's more sensitive to me. if you dont understand me well enough, just dont mention anything yeahh? this paragraphh strictly applies to MORE than ONE person, so please dont take it personally.

*****

goshh!!
and the fun of it got out of hand!!

sighs..

today had pe!
finally exercised after the long long from school.
felt so nice and refreshed
though i felt like vomiting and so dizzy after running, screaming climbing up the wobbly chair
yepp! we played captains ball!
GIRLS captains ball..
so have the screaming part INCLUSIVE.
it's nice nice nice :)
especially the feel of about the all the girls played!
i think it's like once in my these 1 year plus with them as classmates..
yeahh,
obviously my class is not bonded
and im to blame also
cos i always chose council over class i guess.
and the whole reason why i joined council was also partly cos of the class.
sighs..
all these decisions.
nehh-theless,
today had fun!

*****

i think the state of the IVLE and workbins of the different subject speaks a dozen about the department.
ive been thinking that i department seriously need a authorative and good leader.
it makes such significant impact on the grades.
not sure if it's the teachers i got for my subjects or whatsoever.
but i always and will still always feel the same.
as long as you are no longer in the first class,
you seem to must be able to accept any shit mentor you are given.
in this case, it's pretty obvious who's the mentor im referring to.
im especially pissed and disappointed with one of them today.
imagine we are going through the mcq paper
and he was going through one of the question
when he/she just read read read the questions.
i and after that,
read out the answer!
like woaaahhhh!!
we dont know like that.
and i still exclaimed loudly huh why???
but still..
we went on to the next question!
like whaaaa!
totally felt that my that subject was total goner.
dont know how to save myself.
how can i save myself even if i practise
and have no one to approach?
i seriously have no idea.
and i think i not only have one of such teacher but TWO!
shall find a way out.
WITHOUT depending on him/her.
cos i think it's more than one time.
what is the highly regarded, fine education system are we having???
are teachers just occupation for people who have no other jobs they want to be
like the last resort and last alternative
since many say it's a metal/golded rice bowl???
i seriously have no idea.
no wonder 97/100 children in singapore now have tuition.
now i understand why
and i shall join the 97 students soon..
but still feeling uncomfortable.
cos ive not have any tutors since sec2??
cos i used to think as long as we are hardworking,
all our teachers will be able to help us
and dislike tuition
but i think i better start to think otherwise..
before it's too late...

*****

im still waiting as much as i said i wont
i guess...

RAINBOWS

my sudden fetish for RAINBOWS since months ago
since i first saw a double archs of rainbow
when i was down..
and realised the beauty of it.
and the hopes it brought to me
pretty, beautiful rainbows...

i saw a rainbow today
a FULL-ARCH of rainbow
it gives me the much needed hopes in my life
that ive misplaced..
somehow
somewhere...

*****

a simple conversation as it may be
but the lots of effort that it requires
speaks a thousand of what it means...
does it mean just let it go and move on?
or hang on there and persist..?
though i know it's nothingness im holding on to...

*****

relationship
be it with your friends, families or other half.
it's tough to really let it go
though it easy to say it.
though you say you wont be bothered by them
they wont affect you in any sense
you wont care about any nonsense they are doing
but still
deep inside
you know it cant be ignored...

*****

i needa wake up
the last thing i would want to be is to be discouraged
i would not want to let anyone down...
the effort will bring the many choices that i want
i know it does...

*****

i always yearn to see the sun after the rain
when the sunshine will shine those hopes in these tiny droplets of water
when will i ever see a rainbow again?

guys

i was so tired out
that i went to lie down for a while
and was contemplating if i should bathe again
hahaa,
decided to take another bath
and tadaaa!!
im wide awake now!

whoever who say women always doesnt know what she wants
it's so true..

and i went blog hopping again.
real random hop onto......
from soo boon's blog,

Lets101 Quizzes - Myspace Quizzes For Fun

rather true.
for my part.
one of my acquaintance once told me
one will find horoscopes true because it's just a mere generalization
and i badly hope it's not true
cos i really believe in them..

and i totally agree with her with the bgr stuffs.
aint gonna be won over that easily
sweet things will never last..

shall go back to my lalaLAND!

emo emo

i think ive lost interest in lots of things recently.
blogs no longer interest me as they used to
communication which i once thought to be of utmost importance
but now i just hope to be silent
im pretty sure now isnt my low period
but god knows why im feeling like that now.

took a long bus ride home alone
those familiar yet forgotten bus rides
i like the feeling of it
i relish this type of feeling
when i used to do in the past
passing the many stops which i used to frequent in secondary school.
those people i used to hang out with
those many many times...

can i just be allowed to sleep and never wake up?
i think ive used up all my positives during my exams
that now im so charged up with negativities.
i feel like a fake being so optimistic in front of my friends
giving them the strength
encouragement
when i think i will help myself for being optimistic as well
but i think it works otherwise

getting results back aint a good thing
when one period after another
they results arent as satisfying as it's supposed to be
when you know you've put in the effort
but still they are the same as ever..

i think it's been rather long
since i wrote this type of entries
when i no longer have the strength to question
about life and all the blemishes in it
well,
a change for the worse??

ive been thinking about some things that a person said
the person is definitely beyond expectations
well,
but it does wake me up
and i think that's very necessary for me.
as much as i seem so discerning about certain things
they still affect me in some ways

can i believe that crying takes away energy from one?
cos i always feel so tired and sleepy
after draining all the tears out of me
after the movies also..
yess... see the S!
that's beside the point.
im feeling so tired and sleepy now
though i just slept just now
you should guessed why..

*****

im glad im going over to my sis place to stayover for the weekends.
maybe being in another part of the lil sunny island
a new environment
makes me more uncontactable and can bring me out of all these sorrows.
especially with the BIG kynan boy.
yepp! his mummy says he's no longer a baby boy :)

to his dearest mummy: you shouldnt be sad that you didnt hear him call you, it's cos you're always by his side that he doesnt need to. doesnt it makes sense? he's a smart lil boy and definitely knows how to do it, just that he knows that it's not necessary.. and always remember his adorable actions and gaga language when fatigue gets overwhelming okays.. at least you know who you are working so hard for...

*****

i think some things are just not suitable for now
this time of life time always seems to be slipping past way too fast
so fast that it never seems enough.
i think ive neglected some people.
i think things have also changed because of it
chatting no longer seems as easy as it seem.
dont think too much if it's you or not,
cos i think this is referring to too many people
that im not sure either how much people ive neglected.

*****

can i just fall asleep tonight
and never wake up...?

*****

i adore rainbows
it makes me realise how beautiful nature can be
it makes me feel important to be true to oneself
but i never see them..
cos i think it just means being true to oneself is just as tough...

aTWOchalet!

i think it's just so tough to live not neglecting anyone
it's just so impossible...
*****

the spamming of the chalet stamp! it's supposed to be A2, but someone's pretty handwriting seems to say AZ??

the many many food we brought! nicceeee!!

finally had the long awaited chalet with the aTWO peeps!
it's really damn fun with so much free time in the whole wide world to spare.
the potluck, choc fondue, indian poker, forfeits, "touring" around pasir ris early in the morning, not sleeping throughout, watching sunrise or the presumed "sunset" and the so many many hilarious moments!
i think doing forfeits occupied most of our time,
forfeits ranging from the biting of ears, nose, TOES, proposing, running half naked, and many many others, which i all had videos all!
muahahaa!!
can blackmail them!
damn funny..
and the guys are always the victims of the evil lois ideas!
but we love it anyways.. :))
these videos shall remain as our lil secret though ive showed it to someone alr..!
OOOPPPSS!!!

aTWO peeps: those who stayed over! minus sean who's busy somewhere else, and me the cam women :((

the yummy choc! it took lots of effort to get all the tools required though it's worth the effort!

goodu and i holes in apples = appleBINOCULARS

the choc fondue turned out to be not bad! but the thick and rich choc-latey meal in the wee hours of the day
was certainly one of the obesity factors!
plus all the gossips and jokes about the teachers...
whaaaa!!! really didnt know my lil "muggeridian" turn out to be so happening!

the yummy choc cake--kawaiiKAIWEI surprise part II!! the layers of choc is so thick that the knife cant cut through it!

the cuckoo shots! hahaa!

went out after watching dvd while we took turns bathing
ate the yummy choc cake and drank ehhh alocohol?? or fizzy drink???
hehee..
cos it's really like flavoured fizzy drink..

watching the sunrise outside the toilet!

the oh-so-pretty sunrise

went out to watch sunrise.. but failed again.
second attempt for me,
and still the same failure..
i mean dont have those in the pretty photos when the rising sun and the sea closes to a horizon..
and went off after the disappointing sunrise..
lalalaaa
and off to lalaLAND with all our unhealthy consumption!!
all of us growing our lil tummies!
hahaaa!!
woke up and me and lois became irritating alarm clocks
when we went around tickling others and waking them up.
and finished up all our leftovers of sushi and drinks from earlier..
and off we go for check out..
which means our long awaited chalet trip had come to an end...

*****

i think the chalet was new and nice
cos the toilet is spacious and rather comfy..
plus 10 bucks per person, not a bad choice:)

as for the people..
of course we rawks..
i think it's pretty amazing going to chalet with a group of people
who barely speaks to each other in school before the seminar
and after the many dreaded rehersals and the week long of stay at ntu
taaddaaaa!!
we had so much much much fun together!
the bond amongst us i think is just simple..
like we dont have to bother about how to maintain them
but we just enjoy ourselves as it is.
though i can see that someday we will no longer hang out together
but i think it's all these precious memories that counts right.
at least when i look back in times in future,
i will know that at least the seminar which i so much wanted to withdraw from
is after all a rather significant piece of my JC life...

i shall let the photos do the rest of the talking..

*****

makan-ning time!

bananas with choc!!!


smiley and frankenstein monster!

the hard to cut cake!

the fizzy drinks??


the lights that shine...

*****

sometimes i wish that i wouldnt speak
cos when i speak
i will just cause myself more trouble...
silence
cos the otherwise is just so tormenting...